Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Beyond personal anecdotes and cultural stereotypes, what does modern psychological and developmental research say about the tenets of the "tiger mom" model of parenting? (based on the key points outlined in the WSJ article by the author) First, the claim that "nothing is fun until you're good at it" is incorrect. In fact, a multitude of psychological research studies show that "learning is fun while you are getting better at it." For example, the most enjoyable part of a computer game is the process of trying and failing and eventually succeeding to get through each level. Children may not persist in piano or violin, but few would give up on a game. Why? Partly because game designers find creative ways to help children make incremental progress and turn mistakes into learning opportunities to get better. If we help children realize that mistakes are there to help us get better, rather than as a mark of shame or something to avoid, children actually learn more and enjoy learning more. We don't have to be good to enjoy something ... we can enjoy learning on the way to becoming better. Second, the claim that "tenacious practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated" is overstated. Further, using escalating levels of rewards or punishment to drive a child towards a short-term performance goal is not productive. Rote practice is part of, but not the preferred methods of virtuosos. Research studies on performance and expertise show that reflective, deliberate, and even "spaced" practice (practice, walk away, practice again) are the key ingredients of developing expertise and high performance. For example, Tiger Woods is so committed to studying and improving his own golf swings that at the peak of his career, he made a decision to change his swing at the cost of a period of subpar tour performance in order to become an ever better player (besting only himself). In a high-reward, high-competition environment, he gave up short-term performance goals in order to learn more deeply about his craft. That kind of learning and practice is hardly rote and is most certainly driven by an internal flame rather than mere external pressure. Third, the claim that true self-esteem comes from hard-earned achievement (or approval) rather than artificial praise -- this claim is perhaps half right. Research does show that artificial and shallow praise like, "you are so smart", "good job", not only does not promote learning, but impedes it. However, the tiger mom model of parenting also seems to imply that the alternative is for a parent to relentlessly impose a much higher, external performance standard upon the child along with rewards and punishments. That is where the approach is no longer supported by research. When a child's sense of approval is too attached to a externally set performance goal (e.g., getting an A, getting to Harvard) vs. the process of getting there, a host of problems occur. Children may choose the easiest path, they may want to cover up a mistake, they may grow overly anxious and distressed in challenging situations, and they have difficulty enjoy learning. Grown-up examples of high-achievers who cannot handle a setback and resort to any means to cover up mistakes can be found in the detailed accounts of how Enron executives and Bernard Madoff began their down-fall. A better alternative is to show true interest in the child's process of learning and offer genuine encouragement, along with setting some boundaries for persistence and effort. There is joy in the process of learning. Neither shallow praise nor performance obsession (and the associated reward and punishment) helps a child to discover joy for herself. Having discovered that joy through persistence and encouragement, the child can overcome setbacks and challenges and find her own inner compass. The "tiger mom" model over-corrects and may go to the opposite extreme. Additional research-based resources for those who are interested -- On the point of smart vs. rote practice, see "Talent is Overrated" by Geoff Colvin On the point of being good vs. becoming better, see "Mindset" by Carol Dweck On the point of praise, reward, punishment, see both Dweck's book above and also "Punished by Reward" by Alfie Kohn If you are looking for something non-research but humbling and inspiring, I highly recommend a little book called "Many ways to say I love you" by Mister Rogers. (Note: This is NOT a review of the literary quality of the book. As a research psychologist (inspired by the joy of learning from my own "tiger mom"), a child who grew up with a tiger mom, and a Chinese parent of two young "American" children, I want to provide a counter perspective to the key tenets of the "tiger mom" creed. The 2 stars here refers to the soundness of the tiger mom parenting model, and not to the book's literary value, which I am not the least bit qualified to judge.)