Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I have included pics of every angle to show you the horrors. Imagine wearing control top pantyhose with nothing on top of it. That's what these are. You can see every lump, bump, and crevice. Camel toes, cellulite, mom pooch, all of it unapologetically on full display. I'm not one of those new, modern, "love ma fierce tigerrrr stripes ya'll" type of girl. I'm more of a "let me just cover this all up til I have the cash for the mommy tummy tuck" type of girl. I had high, tight hopes for this "super smoothing shaping slimming womens jeans" garment. But no, this is a new type of heck...it gives me bumps I didn't even know I had. You can see everything from pantyline to thunderthigh, I'm surprised you can't see my stretch marks! The fabric is opaque, but the forgiveness ends there. If you're trying to embrace the curves, then good for you, but if you're trying to look flawless, try another pair of pants! A more functional issue is the pockets. The front pockets look disturbingly real, but they're Fakey Mcfakerson. Not even a sneaky half inch of pocket there. All flat. Not even a top coin pocket as a consolation prize. My Samsung Galaxy fits in the back pocket with the top inch of phone sticking out, but who wants to sit on their phone? Not me. I thought it would be safe to pick Levi's. The All-American classic brand. Nope. Not here. Not on Amazon. Better mask up and put on some mascara and drive down to the nearest big box store to try on some jeans in the fitting room. Oh well. I tried. I came, I saw, I got catfished.