Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Hello, I am not sure if I'm on the right forum or not but..here goes: My name is Bernie, I'm a single Tyrannosaurus Rex of the Theropod family originally from Laramidia or what you might know as the Western U.S. region. My parents were Malcolm and Tricia Bones originally from Gondwana (I'm first generation) who were both professional dancers however my father was banished from Gondwana after accidentally squishing the High Order King's daughter Linda during a Carnivore's Ball when he was 29. Well...anyway I still live pretty close to them and we raid a farm or city bus every other week for a meal and to catch up. Currently I'm working at a small seasonal theme park that operates spring through fall. My job is to scare customers without harming or eating them and occasionally do some landscaping however with my short arms I find it really hard to do anything involving any general lifting or pulling movements. In the winters I dress up as a reindeer at Malls but am required to stay perfectly still. My boss used to send me to schools but I'm not allowed within 50 feet after the last "running incident" where I ate about a dozen school children after I sneezed and they realized I was real....It isn't my fault it is in my blood to chase...Anyway I love cats, large mammal bones, going for a jog in the park, and I'm very in to history particularly Late Cretaceous periods discussing the Cretaceous-Paleogene mass extinction and theories involved....I"m a nice enough guy honestly I'm just looking for a she-Rex that is pretty, likes humble guys, and enjoys a quiet evening in a cave gnawing on bones watching re--runs of the TV series Dinosaurs...Man was that show great! Please call me, don't text I really can't use my fingers or even pick up my phone most of the time....