Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray is the perfect product for would-be dictators, military rulers, and university chancellors. With a simple, nonchalant spraying action, you can be sure to cause great distress among unruly protestors, ensuring that their freedoms of speech, assembly, and protest are eliminated in favor of screaming in agony and writhing on the ground. One bottle of this stuff can silence up to 25 protestors with ease. Works just like Roundup weed killer, except it doesn't cause death, just burns, loss of vision, and possibly cancer many years later, when you won't be blamed for anything anyway. "I've been using this stuff to maintain power in my banana republic for years," according to Generalissimo Linda Katehi! Lt. John Pike of the UC Davis HeimatSekurität Department also raves, "Never before has it been so easy to silence those grubby little students whose tuition pays my salary!" Remember, this product does entail some risk of blowback, however. Careless use could lead to international notoriety, universal condemnation, lawsuits, loss of your job, and becoming an internet meme.