Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Deep breath. When I first saw the article stating- Survivor in Brock Turner Case Reveals Her Name in New Memoir- I said “holy f*ck” out loud. I clicked the article and I had preordered the book before going back to finish it. When the day of release arrived, I was outside on the curb, smoking a cigarette. I looked up and saw the UPS truck on the other side of the parking lot. I chased it down, refusing to miss the delivery. I went inside and began the journey of reading this. Never before have I wished for the ability to reach through time and space to embrace someone. I settled for being curled up on my couch, tears running down my face, clutching the book like a life preserver. When I reached the last page, I didn’t want it to be over. It felt like a much needed conversation with a best friend. I don’t know how to put into words the necessity of this book. It needs to be required reading in classrooms across the globe. For the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful. I could not have asked for this book to come at a better time. As I approach the 4 year mark of my own sexual assault (October 9), I was crumbling. I felt like it was fresh- I was back to not sleeping, crying on the curb chain smoking cigarettes hoping they would help calm me down. Crawling into bed with my limbs aching at 3am. For this reason, I am so thankful for Chanel’s honesty surrounding the rollercoaster of recovery. My narrative changed, and I was no longer chastising myself for feeling emotions this deeply 4 years later. This downward spiral and subsequent ascent has all unfolded in the past 10 days. The breaking point for me was seeing the ignorant words of someone close. It made me wonder, is there someone out there thinking my offender was too attractive to choose me as a victim? Was my story not believed, simply because it has been so long without me talking about it? All this time, while I’ve been crying and doubting my own experience, have I really been attacking his reputation by events that “could not be proven by facts”?. Would I be viewed as a false accuser, who should be put in front of a jury? Am I delusional? If I see my offender running for public office in 30 years, will I be accused of running a political smear campaign if I choose to speak out? Writing all of this is terrifying to me. While I have often alluded to the trauma of being raped, I don’t think I’ve ever talked about it publicly like this. I know that it is shame that has kept my mouth closed all these years. I cannot continue to live in it, because I want the next 20 year old woman to know there is no shame in what someone else has done to you. That shame is for them to carry, not you. If Chanel can write over 300 pages, I can write a damn comment. If you’ve read this far, my advice to you is to rethink your opinions. Listen to your words before they leave your mouth, or rather, before they leave your fingers. You never know who is reading those messages. I think of the people that spoke with Chanel about the case, not knowing she was Emily Doe. We have ALL spoken to Emily Doe’s in our life, whether we realize it or not. I wonder, what messages have these survivors left the conversation with? To wrap this up, thank you Chanel Miller for being the lighthouse that finally gave this lost sailboat a glimmer of light. You are strong, brave beyond words. Your book is a game changer. Thank you for giving me a voice. Thank you for validating my pain, for letting me know it’s okay if sometimes I need to curl up and cry. I’ll tie my 100th shoe and get back up. Thank you.