Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

The product in question here is a coffee known as Valhalla Java, which is from a company called Death Wish Coffee. There are many dark roast varieties out there, but none can claim to be darker than the night before the coming of Ragnarok. Upon beginning to open the bag, faint Viking war drums encompassed my apartment. Once the seal was broken, Mjolnir, Thor's hammer, thundered down into the Earth as my senses were transported to visions of walking across the great bridge towards Asgard, and the palace of Odin the Allfather. The beans are of a quality that could only have come from the rich soils beneath the World Tree Yggdrasil, and upon starting to grind them, massive bolts of lightning tore fantastically across the sky, putting on a light show more brilliant than any fireworks display. The sky was lit up with the very silhouettes of the Norse gods themselves this night. Deep, rich aromas fill my nostrils as the brewing process begins, filling my cup with what appears to be the Black Blood of the Earth, the nectar of the Allfather. I feel as if I am being prepared to fight for the Aesir, and a Valkyrie will shortly be here to claim my soul for the war. The Jotun, Fenrir, the Mighty Midgard serpent, Jormungand, Nidhug and all manner of Norse age monster all seem but weaklings as I take my first sip of the purely magical concoction. This stuff packs a kick, but goes down surprisingly smooth for such a dark roast. Coffee in hand, I am prepared to make my final stand. Aside from this ridiculous review, in short, get your hands on some of this coffee. It is very rich, smells delightful and goes down crazy smooth. I drink a ton of coffee, and the effects of caffeine don't really seem to take a hold of me, but this stuff is quite magical, as I'm feeling quite the surge of alertness, like I could intercept someone trying to break into my apartment while they were still 50 meters away by power bombing them into the night soil with the fury in which Thor throws Mjolnir. It's that good. I will definitely be ordering another bag before this one is used up.