Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I am one of those people who has continued to buy LKH's books--in hardcover--despite everything. I liked the first few Anita Blake books, but I never thought they were The Best Series Ever. Still, they were a light and fluffy diversion with some darker elements that made the author's voice unique. I always thought Anita was kind of annoying, but originally it was because she was so narrow-minded and pigheaded. Her constant snarky sarcasm and rudeness bothered me too, and adolescent catchphrases such as "Bully for me/you" irritated the heck out of me. But....but....something kept me reading. Once I caught up to the series around Incubus Dreams, I looked forward to a new installment coming out every year. Incubus Dreams, to me, is where the series jumped the track. I was so confused and disheartened that I went on to Amazon and looked at the reviews wondering: Is it just me? What the heck did I just read? Was this author doing some serious drugs when she wrote this, or does she just not have an editor? And yet...I kept reading. I've heard another ex-fan mention Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in a joking way in reference to continuing to read these books, and I kind of identified with her. I've spent all this time, and money, investing in this series and these characters that I simply felt I could not stop here...or here...or here. I have enough discretionary income to waste $20 a year to keep a collection up-to-date on my bookshelves. Until now. I am one of those readers about whom other ex-fans state, "Laurell is going to lose even her die-hard fans if she continues with this garbage." I was one of the battle-hardened veterans of the series, one of the hangers-on who thought I would stick it through until the end. Until now. I apologize for starting this review in such a personal way, rather than just jumping into a review of this book specifically. However, for me, this review IS personal. Because this book bothered me in so many ways. I will get to what caused such a strong reaction in just a moment. First, a general review. ****SPOILERS****** Most of the plot has been summarized by now by other reviewers. I have some of the same complaints as many others. But here goes my take on it anyway. Without struggle, without SHOWING us how it happened, suddenly Jean Claude is head of the American Vampire Council. This makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE because, let's face it--Jean Claude is not himself anymore. He has become Anita's pet. The fact that Anita picked up another animal for her lycanthropy mix is just...stupid and ridiculous and OVERKILL. I am so sick of Anita being capable of anything and everything that NO ONE else can do. She is no longer a credible character. This was emphasized for me at the end, when they're about to win (and there's absolutely NO suspense, because you KNOW Anita is more powerful, more special, a better necromancer, etc., than ANYONE, even though she is only 30 and her enemy is ANCIENT, that doesn't matter, Anita is Goddess of All) and she and Edward are grinning and cracking jokes. There is an atmosphere of nonchalant camaraderie. Micah's mother/father/step-father situation was also ridiculous and completely unbelievable. Way too convenient, and just glossed over basically. And his aunt and uncle, the relatives who were bigoted against preternatural creatures, were CARICATURES. LKH couldn't make them sympathetic, or interesting, or unlikeable. They were cardboard character cut-outs, down to their lapel pins. This made me roll my eyes. Pins to announce their stance? Really? Subtle, LKH. Anita's conversation with Jean Claude on the phone drove me UP A WALL. LKH obviously wanted to explain a bunch of things to new readers, or remind old readers, because they were just basically info-dumping, telling each other stuff they both already knew. It would be like my telling my husband on the phone, "You know, when we met I was wearing purple. I liked you right away. We've been married for 5 years." And him answering. "I know. I was wearing white. I liked you too. Our anniversary is today." I mean, COME ON. Pointless. Within a few books, Anita has gone from being jealous and possessive to being totally cool with Micah sleeping with other people. That's not growth, that's a split personality. Speaking of split personalities, the female marshal character in here--Hatfield--goes from being a tough, skeptical, almost hostile person toward Anita to being a wide-eyed, apologetic, Anita-worshipping rookie. THESE COMPLETE CHANGES IN PERSONALITY ARE NOT BELIEVABLE. Dialogue was constantly interrupted by repetitive explanations, Anita's philosophical musings, and amateurish telling-instead-of-showing. Many times I found myself thinking, "Would the characters really be stopping to think about/talk about/do this right now? In the middle of the action? REALLY?" Speaking of action, one of the things that upset me about this book the most was that I LIKED THE ACTION SCENE in the hospital. I'm sure others would disagree, but I thought it was well-written, it kept me interested, and I couldn't put the book down until it was done. And this gave me FALSE HOPE for the rest of the book. (I'm sorry for all the caps. I am frustrated.) I was thinking..."I could like this book." Then, AGAIN, it crashed and burned!! The characters spend the rest of the book reflecting on wereanimal habits, talking about a future marriage ceremony, having sex (which I'll get to in a moment), and having STUPID POINTLESS conversations about who's the biggest sociopath, what that's like, how beautiful Anita is, how jealous everyone is, how she can do what no one else can do, etc., etc., etc., until the VERY END of the book. The bad guy dies. And that's pretty much how she puts it. I don't have the book next to me right now, but something along the lines of, "He burned and he suffered and he died." One more thing before I get to the sex. This has been mentioned by many other people. But I can't help adding this because it's such a glaring thing for me. Rant ahead: If I see the words "screamed my orgasm into...", "spilled", "flavor," "tightened things low in my body," "she's so tight" (WE KNOW!!!)....or the explanation about how Anita likes her men before they get hard, or how tiny she is (supposedly they almost couldn't find cuffs small enough for her--WHATEVER) or ONE MORE explanation about HOW someone is muscled, WHERE they are muscled, how TALL they are, how they look taller or shorter than this guy or that guy because their muscles are here or there or everywhere, what color their hair is, what color(s) their eyes are, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER, one more time, I will not be responsible for my actions! I know I shouldn't let myself get so irritated, life is short and my life is full, but I don't understand how this author is allowed to publish this same FILLER again and again, thereby INSULTING HER FANS. And finally. I've seen some people mention the asphyxiation sex scene. Apparently it affected me more than it did others. I have read hundreds and hundreds of books of all kinds and I have never been so DISTURBED and disgusted and offended by anything I've ever read. Before someone tells me that everyone likes different things, don't judge others, maybe you haven't read this scene. It isn't a little playful hold-your-breath-for-a-moment-and-it'll intensify-your-big-O type of asphyxiation. Nicky is STRANGLING her. And--the part that bothered me the most--he is getting off and moaning about how her face is changing colors. As he is choking her literally to the edge of death. Anita even says she is panicking. But she trusts him. Even though he's a sociopath and she knows it, she trusts him. It would be the perfect way to kill Anita Blake. Just become her lover and she will let you tie her up and strangle her. Then Nicky has Nate take a turn: "Make her face change colors." This was sick. Sick, and dangerous, and not sexy, and ABUSIVE. Teenagers who read this $*** are going to think this is cool and sexy. It's not. I don't care if I sound like a prude or a schoolteacher or a housewife. This was NOT OKAY. *****END SPOILERS**** In conclusion--I was one of the loyal readers who this talentless hack of a writer probably thought would stick around forever and read anything she wrote. NO MORE. I will never buy another one of her books. I will never recommend her books again. I will never even read another one of her books again just for the entertainment of making fun of how BAD they are. This book finally pushed me off the fence. Goodbye, Anita Blake.