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When you first start reading The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, it sounds so spiritual. But then when you look up the scripture references that she uses, you realize that she frequently stretches verses to prove her point. For example on page 159, she quotes Proverbs 14:1, "Every wise woman builds her house." Martha interprets that as "Godly wives don't take matters into their own hands!" What? Doesn't it take initiative for a wise woman to build her home? Passiveness is NOT a Godly virtue (James 4:17). Yet this book teaches women to be passive by taking away their ability to make personal decisions. The hardest thing about reading through this book was the very sharp tone. Page after page of Martha’s writing is consumed with blaming women for everything, while forgetting that Jesus Himself REFUSED to accuse women even when everyone was pressuring him to (John 8:11)(also see Luke 7:39-48). Yet this book sounds way too much like the one “Who speaks rashly like a piercing sword.” Proverbs 12:18(HCSB) Martha writes all kinds of hurtful accusations such as “Even if wives outwardly obey, they are OFTEN resentful and rebellious in their hearts.” (p. 175) “MOST of the time when the wife suffers….she is suffering because of her own rebellious, willful heart.” (p. 185) Martha, how do you know that? That is a hurtful assumption that forgets that an actual rebellious person would not even bother reading this kind of book. People read her book because they are hungry for God and desperately seeking answers on how to deal with problems the Biblical way. Why can’t Martha give her readers the benefit of the doubt? The real reason women have a “willful heart” is because God is working in women both “to will and do His good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:13) However, this book still insists that “Women are often more easily deceived.” (p. 6) Where is that verse in the Bible? IT’S NOT! The Bible tells women: “Be NOT deceived. God is not mocked. Whatever a man sows that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7) Notice two really important things about that verse: 1) We have the ability to resist deception. 2) We are responsible for our own choices---thus we have the ability to make choices---which this book keeps insisting you don’t! Yet Martha keeps taking that away from women. On page 181, she writes, “Rebellion is a very serious sin. If you disobey your husband, you are indirectly shaking your fist at God. You are saying in your heart—God, I don’t care what you say, I’m going to do this my way.” Is every word that proceeds from man’s mouth the same thing as God’s own words? That’s what Martha is teaching. If he says it—then God must have said it. That’s actually making man become God. If disobeying him is equal to disobeying God—then Martha has just sat someone else on God’s throne. The same thing the devil tried to do and was promptly booted from Heaven. Same thing King Herod tried to do in Acts 12:22. God struck him dead. Yet Martha continues teaching idolatry when she writes on page 181, “When you rebel against your husband’s authority you are grievously sinning.” (p. 181) “The wife is to submit to even very small and seemingly unimportant requests or directives from (her husband)…..her failure to comply is not only insubordination to her husband but also disobedience to God.” (p. 143) Did you hear that? Again Martha just put man’s whims on the same level of authority as God. Think about what she’s saying. Jesus said that we don’t live by food alone but “By every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” (Matt 4:4) Yet Martha is implying we have to live by every word that proceeds from MAN’S mouth. On page 176, Martha writes that “even though the Lord Jesus Christ was equal” (to God) yet Jesus “didn’t demand equal rights” but instead “obeyed the Father to the point of death.” That sounds spiritual until you realize what Martha is actually saying. That because Jesus obeyed God, that automatically proves that you have to obey other people “to the point of death” in the same way that Jesus obeyed God. Did Jesus ever look at any man and say, “Not my will but thine be done?” Of course not. Jesus refused to obey King Herod’s whim that demanded Jesus perform miracles on command. Then Jesus refused to answer all of Pilate’s questions to show us that no person deserves the same level of obedience as God Himself. Throughout this book, Martha insists that the only time women are allowed to make their own choices is when granted permission by their husbands. She says, "Occasionally a husband will instruct his wife that in certain areas she is to make the decisions. In those cases, when authority is delegated to her, SHE THEN HAS FREEDOM TO CHOOSE.” (p. 151-152) Nope. Throughout the Bible, God commands women to make their own choices. Jesus said in John 10:18: “No one takes my life from me but I lay it down of myself. I have the power to lay it down and I have the power to take it again. This command have I received of my Father.” Right there, Jesus gave you the power to make decisions in your life. Martha can’t accept that so she twists Scripture to say things like, “Submission to your husband is one of the FRUITS of your salvation.” (p. 184) Hang on a second---does the Bible say that submission is a fruit of the Spirit? ABSOLUTELY NOT! The Bible describes the Fruit of the Spirit as “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and SELF-CONTROL.” You can’t function in self-control if someone else is making all your choices. Yet Martha still threatens women with “loss of reward at the judgment seat of Christ” and “divine discipline” if they try to make their own personal decisions. (p. 185) And Martha is ignoring how Jesus forbade women from allowing other people to parent them. (Matt 23:9) Moving right along—there are all kinds of problems in this book. For example, Martha writes in Chapter 14, “This chapter explains eight biblical means by which God protects a submissive wife WHEN HER HUSBAND SINS AGAINST HER…..These eight resources are listed in the order a wife should usually implement them.” (p. 155) Here’s the advice that Martha gives to women in abusive situations: #1 Communicate Biblically Martha defines that as “Train her tongue to respond properly in every situation…..a wife’s own sin always makes her situation worse.” (p. 156-157) Blaming women is a constant theme throughout this book—no matter what happens—Martha finds a way to blame women for it. The verbal battering in this book got so bad that all I could think about was the parable in Matthew 24:46-50 where Jesus warned us about the overseer who neglects his job of feeding the household and instead begins to hurt them. That’s the problem with this book. Instead of obeying Christ’s command to “Feed My sheep” this book slams them left and right, until you are left trying to recover your self-esteem. Remember that God gets really upset at shepherds who instead of “strengthening the weak, healing the sick, and bandaging the injured,” rule the flock “with violence and cruelty.” It bothers God when “the shepherds feed themselves rather than My flock.” Ezekiel 34:1-10 (HCSB). Her next point is: #2 Overcome Evil with Good Martha defines this as: “Serve a special meal to him, give him an unexpected gift, fill up his car with gas.” (p. 158) What about setting boundaries to protect yourself from abuse? When King Saul threw the javelin at David—David left the palace. He didn’t stick around trying to do favors for King Saul. When the Pharisees tried to kill Jesus, He left. (Luke 4:28-30). #3 Make a Biblical Appeal (to the Husband) Here Martha starts teaching Bill Gothard’s Appeal doctrine—which demands that adults ask for permission like little children approaching parents. Martha writes, “A Biblical appeal is a request to a person in authority, asking them to reconsider a command….A Biblical appeal has several conditions. First, the appeal should be done for the purpose of achieving the HUSBAND’S objective or desire.” (p. 159-160) Wait a minute. What happens when the “husband’s intent” is abuse? Martha just said that this advice is specifically intended for women in situations where “her husband is sinning against her or others.” That sounds like an abusive situation. Isn’t this advice supposed to protect women? Martha continues, “If her husband is asking her to sin, she should propose a viable alternative which seeks to accomplish the HUSBAND’S intent…..When a husband does not listen to or grant the wife’s appeal, she must accept his decision as the WILL OF GOD for her at that moment…..even if she must SUFFER for the sake of righteousness.” Think about this for a moment. Doesn’t that sound like Matthew 23:4 (NLT)? “They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden.” Jesus warned us about this kind of teaching in the church. Is Martha implying that women should endure abuse as God’s will for their lives? Even God Almighty sets boundaries to deal with sin—why can’t wives follow that Biblical example? Remember that the Apostle Paul warned against “Putting up with anyone who SLAPS YOU in the face.” (2Cor 11:10) When the church is pitying the abuser and putting all the pressure on the victim to try harder in the marriage, they have forgotten that “He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the Lord.” Proverbs 17:15 (ESV) Martha claims to be a strong advocate for victims of abuse. Yet he more you read Martha’s book—the more clueless she sounds towards abuse. For example, she recommends calling the police to stop physical abuse “if appropriate.” (p. 173) Martha says, “The involvement of these agencies are extreme measures and should only be used when there is danger to the wife or children or a serious criminal offense has been committed. However, the wife who is truly threatened with real harm should not hesitate to call the police.” (p. 172) That is too little, too late when she’s spent most of the book telling women to only seek counsel from “Someone who will exhort and admonish her to be submissive.” (p. 181). And that wives must prove their love to God by “Giving (the husband) a blessing even if he does evil against her. She shows love when she endures a difficult time.” (p. 144) And Martha tries to silence victims by teaching, “The wife must not slander or speak evil of her husband when she seeks counsel from another….the wife should limit the number of people she tells of her husband’s problem….If she appropriately conceals a matter the only people who know should be those who are part of the solution…..a wife who tells others of her husband’s sin problems without making a serious effort to receive biblical counseling is often only engaging in sinful gossip.” (p. 169) This book just doesn’t understand the heart of God towards you. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 (NIV) Yet this ignores those verses and continues to shift the burden of responsibility from the perpetrator and onto the victim. Chapter 14 just gets worse and worse as you turn the page. Moving right along, on pages 240-241, Martha has a chart that defines “Sinful thoughts” vs. “Godly thoughts.” Sinful: “Judging her husband’s motives.” Godly: “Assuming the best about his motives unless he tells her otherwise.” First of all, Jesus TOLD us to “Judge with right judgment” in John 7:24 and again told us to judge people by their fruit (Matthew 7:16). In Revelations 2:2 Jesus commended the Ephesians for not making assumptions but actually judging people’s motives. And in Revelations 2:23 Jesus said that we will all be judged according to what we had done. If God Himself can set boundaries with us, “My Spirit will not always strive with man,” then we can set boundaries in our relationships too. Martha continues teaching this: Sinful thought: “He will never hurt me again.” Godly thought: “He may hurt me again. I hope not but if he does, he will just have to hurt me, I am going to glorify God.” (p. 240) Then she quotes 1 Corinthians 10:31, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for God’s glory.” Jesus said that God is glorified when you bear fruit (John 15:8)---the fruit of the Spirit is self-control---NOT submission to abuse! That’s what’s so frustrating about this book---Martha will quote Scriptures that have nothing to do with the point she’s trying to squeeze out of them. That’s really dangerous. The bottom line is that when God Himself holds us accountable for our actions, wives have the Biblical right to hold others accountable for their behavior too. That’s why the Apostle Paul wrote in 1Cor 3:16-17 “You are the temple of God…if any man destroys the temple of God, him shall God destroy.” That’s the tip of the iceberg of how the Bible tries to protect you from abuse.