Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I do believe my monocle just hit my spatterdashes. Let the other reviewers have their vulgar laughs at the absurdity of a pen whose maker believes a lady could write; I see this so-called "Bic Patented Writing-contraption for the Weaker Sex" for the peril to health and virtue that it is. Just think what might happen if a lady carrying this diabolical instrument were to be stricken with the vapors. Were she to fall upon the pointed tip, the wound to her most delicate feminine parts would leave her barren, feeble-minded, and doomed to a life of electrical shocks and enemas in the sanitarium. Worse, she might get ink-stains upon the fainting-couch. As for the sinister uses to which feminine hands might put this pen...I will not speak of the self-abuse that a pink tapered cylinder might inspire. These matters are between a lady, her doctor, and his little vibrating machine for the cure of hysteria. Yet I will say this. Is it not the most common thing in the world that a man with a pen shall want to use it - on election day - to mark his ballot? Make no mistake, this pen is nothing other than the tool of some dastardly suffragist plot! I suspect it was the Kaiser who put the Bic Company up to it, in hopes that the foolish votes of women should weaken our republic and thwart our Manifest Destiny. It certainly isn't the ladies themselves who are creating the demand for this product; even the brazen hussies who presume to write product reviews on Amazon seem to be as scandalized as I am. Needless to say, I will not be purchasing this item for my Millicent. If she wishes to put something in writing she must use an embroidery needle like any other right-thinking housewife. For shame, Bic! I had thought your wares were the very thing for our new and more enlightened century, but clearly I was wrong.