Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

So I’m going to share this experience with everyone, I hope you get a kick out of it. I kinda did. So I fell victim to these Facebook ads about how my butt wasn’t clean enough and got my ocd thinking is my butt dirty?? Oh I can’t have a dirty butt !! No way ! So I jumped on Amazon and got me one of them little butt washing potty retrofits delivered the next day. It came today and after 10 minutes of a frustrating install thinking I had stripped the stupid plastic connection parts on my toilet, all is good with no leaks and we’re ready for a trial run. Okay here goes... now this is a trial run mind you so no real business going on, this is a very important detail and you’ll soon see why. I pulled down my pants, sat down and reached over to the controls to try this baby out. .......... Well all I can tell you is I heard a click from the knob I was starting to turn and y’all let me tell you I instantly felt a full stream blast of jet powered cold water shoot right up the ole pooper with such precision ida swore someone was aiming the damn thing. In that instant the signals traveled to my brain and without a conscious thought I jumped straight up and fell over towards the floor. As if this wasn’t bad enough the stupid knob doesn’t turn itself off when you let go of it so Im instantly followed off my launchpad by a stream of cold water, following me as I shot forward, up my back and blasting me right in the back of the head as I struggled to get away from this cold wet monster that was violating me. I struggled to reach the knob and turned it off before the whole bathroom got soaked. It’s all right I’m ok really 🤦🏻‍♂️