Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Microwave ovens are not something most rational adults spend a lot time thinking about. I like to think that I’m a rational adult: I have no opinions, feelings or needs that pertain to any microwave oven (or any household appliance, honestly.) If you put a gun to my head and forced me to talk microwaves (this rarely happens, BTW), I might admit this: I’ve bought two microwaves in as many decades. If I ever bought a third, it would have to offer what #1 & #2 brought to my kitchen: 1) When I want to eat something warm-ish and I want it pronto, a microwave appliance needs to deliver. Every time. All the time. 2) The array of features a microwave offers — buttons for multiple heat settings, buttons that ‘cook by weight’, various defrost settings, kitchen timers — is okay by me, seriously. And I promise to use my microwave keypad as God intended: by pressing the ‘Popcorn’ button when appropriate, and setting the cook time according to the side-panel instructions considered optimal by the scientists behind HotPockets. 3) As long as it cooks whatever I want, when I want using the three buttons I want? I’m sold... I’ll pay up to $100. I don’t need or care about a warranty, instruction booklets or exclusive recipes that are microwave-ready. Just give me a box to reheat pizza for 8-10 years and requires zero maintenance, upkeep or service. Simple. Westinghouse, at least when it comes to this microwave, doesn’t agree with the “simple” part... or the “reliable” part. Or the “multi-year lifespan” approach. In short: DO NOT BUY THIS MICROWAVE... unless my experience embodies what you look for in appliances: 1) Less than 72 hours after plugging my new microwave in, I only used it four or five times (this is way below normal for me). Compared to the punishment of constant use my previous microwaves suffered, this Westinghouse should have had a ‘profuse thank you’ preset to acknowledge my gentleness during its first couple of days. 2) Around Hour 72:02, I placed the popcorn in the microwave, mostly to test how Westinghouse performed this critical basic function. 3) For some reason, Pop Secret and their ilk (the powerful “Big Popcorn” cabal) began adding instructions on each bag a few years ago. While this was great news for the 11 people holding out until the five-step “Secrets To Popping Perfect Popcorn” went public, the instructions began with a sternly worded, illustration-accompanied and partially CAPITALIZED “Step #1”: “For best results and to avoid BURNING, SCORCHING or POSSIBLE INJURY, follow these instructions closely and follow the cooking times indicated: DO NOT USE OVEN PRESET BUTTON FOR ‘POPCORN’.” 4) What??? Now, I would love to discuss this whole ‘popcorn preset’ conspiracy, but I can’t. Because WESTINGHOUSE designed, manufactured and shipped me a microwave where the oven light burned out... BURNED OUT. What, the intense stress it endured? I got to use this thing five times (around 15 minutes of microwaving)! The light inside quit??? Westinghouse, did you not build this appliance with the understanding that some of us may subject your products to a period of use exceeding 15 minutes??? I called Amazon, whose customer service was professional and perfect as always. They woman I spoke to from Amazon treated my darkened microwave “crisis” with a gentle urgency, soothing validation and sense of mission... all the Amazon things I love that they do. The Amazon rep told me she would send out a new Microwave now, and I could return the Darkened One later, no cost or effort on my part. Apologies ensued from this kind person, for a situation she neither caused nor allowed. But I had to ask. “Can’t you just ship me a lightbulb, and I’ll screw it in? Wouldn’t that be easiest?” I asked. I am naive about microwave engineering. The Amazon lady explained: “The manufacturer of the microwave you purchased from us, actually any microwave you buy these days online or not, the appliance isn’t built in a way where it makes sense to repair something.” I may have said “Huhhhh?” If not, I know I said this: “It seems like shipping 50 pounds of microwave oven back and forth is... less efficient than sending me a lightbulb. Less work for everyone, too.” Then the nice Amazon lady told me all I need to know, and why I was an idiot to buy a Westinghouse microwave (on top of Westinghouse going bankrupt because their NUCLEAR POWER PLANT division was not very good at building NUCLEAR POWERED REACTORS). Amazon lady explained: “Most microwaves and appliances, or a lot of them, are put together using proprietary and patented techniques... There probably isn’t a lightbulb, really.” She told me that returning the microwave was a smart thing for me to do: if there was a fabrication issue that made the lights go out after 15 minutes of use, the rest of the microwave might start failing later... which would be bad if the return period had passed. I AM AN IDIOT. I decided not to return the microwave. I can heat up soup without interior lighting, I decided. This is a ridiculous reason to pack up a heavy, big appliance. It won’t fail. It’s a lightbulb! Guess what. Yes. I AM AN IDIOT.